A Glimpse into a Couple’s Bond
Human behavior can be rather facinating. My initial consultation with a couple is where I get a glimpse into the dynamic of their bond. Some brides and grooms are very easy in one another’s company. One bride actually sat on the groom’s lap for the entire meeting, which I thought was very sweet. Others speak very little. I’ve encountered quite a few silent grooms. Many nod and smile and when asked for an opinion, offer a simple, “Whatever you want, honey.” It may be that weddings are traditionally a woman’s domain. Or it may be the Mars-Venus factor, in that women are more verbal than men on the whole.
This shows up sometimes in their vow choices. Some choose personalized vows, with which they will surprise each other for the first time at the ceremony. The difference between their styles was dramatic in one couple I can think of: His vows were three lines, simple, direct and to the point, while hers were a whole page of long, flowery promises.
As an officiant, I get all kinds of couples. One pair I gather were party people–and their entertainment of choice was likely the kind that comes in a bottle. I only met them once at their last-minute justice-of-the-peace ceremony. When they arrived at my office for the nuptials, they were sporting matching shiners!
Once in awhile one or the other will be very domeering. It sure seemed to me that one groom was destined to be a hen-pecked husband. He was marrying a woman who had three children, and she corrected him rather sharply in front of me, the same way she did one of her kids. Not a good sign. Hopefully the bride had other redeeming qualities. In any case, it’s not my place to judge. They came to me for a wedding ceremony, not couples counseling.
Another groom obviously had a Type A personality. During the consultation he overruled many of the bride’s ideas and admitted openly that he likes to run the show. The bride responded in a passive and easygoing manner, which I surmised was probably a good thing or else it would never work between them. Then suddenly this same groom showed a wonderful side of himself. I had asked if there were any deceased loved ones they wanted to honor at the ceremony–whereupon the bride burst into tears over the loss of her mother. The groom promptly rose to the occasion, gently cradling her in her arms and comforting her, “It’s okay, baby, it’ll be all right.” His display of tenderness was startling, and reassuring. And it just goes to show that no one knows what it’s like inside a relationship, except for the people who are in it. Whatever I may think doesn’t matter, anyway. Ultimately, a couple is responsible for their own bond. My job is only to help them make it legal and official in whatever way is meaningful to them.
Blessings,
Rev. Leah Light
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