In Pursuit of the Perfect Wedding
Here’s a mind twist for you. The key to creating the perfect wedding is to let go of the need to make it perfect. In the five years I have been officiating as a nondenominational minister, I have observed how perfectionism can dampen a joyful celebration. Exacting brides (and sometimes grooms) may pressure themselves and everyone around them to get everything right because this is supposed to be a once-in-a-lifetime event. Expectations can run very high.
As we all know, stuff happens. Whether it’s a cake that falls, a gown that gets dirty, or a forgotten bouquet, it is truly not the end of the world. Why give it the power to ruin the rest of what could be a beautiful day?
At a recent wedding I actually had a heckler. That was a first. The guy was not on the guest list, but his voice carried from his apartment or condo that was just beyond the row of trees that bordered our lovely garden setting. As I delivered the wedding address, he was calling out things like, “That was beautiful, man,” and “Why don’t you take her home, dude?” I talked louder and tuned him out while everyone else also ignored him. He’d evidently been knocking back the brewskies all afternoon, the couple told me afterward. They’d heard him yelling and carrying on as they were setting up. This young bride and groom were very gracious about the whole thing, just taking it in stride. Their attitude was that one day they could tell their grandchildren about the drunken fool who yelled at their wedding. Good for them!
More often people can be hard on themselves, grooms included. I’ve seen them stumble when reciting their vows, and then be very embarrassed and apologetic about it. I want to say: “Hey, guy, relax. This is your wedding, you’re not going for an Academy Award here.” Humor can also diffuse awkward moments. One of my brides, dressed in a beautiful strapless, sleeveless gown, had forgotten her tissue. During her vows when the tears began flowing, her nose started running. She looked at the groom helplessly. “Would you like to use my sleeve?” He quipped. (Following that wedding, I now make sure to tuck a tissue or two into my ceremony book, by the way.)
Sometimes I have to take my own advice. I’m not always on top of my game. I sometimes get my “mords wixed” or blow people’s names during a ceremony. I try my best to get it right, but when it isn’t, I’ve found that people are very forgiving. It is really not about a perfect delivery, but the feeling that is conveyed behind the words. The meaning of the ceremony is what’s important–the sharing of two lives, the commitment to stick together through thick and thin, to love and be loved wholly and completely. If we can get that part right, nothing else matters.
Blessings,
Rev. Leah Light
Tags:ceremony minister officiant officiate
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