Everyday Wedding advice

You have been alone for several years; now you have found that special someone with whom to share your life. As you begin your wedding planning, you will find you may have many more decisions to make than younger brides. Your body has changed and the gown that looks great on a 25 year-old will not look the same on a 50 year-old. You may have children and possibly grandchildren to consider. You may have a home and/or investments that you want to leave to your family. You or your groom may have health issues. All these things and more need to be considered before you say “I Do.”

Wedding Gown: Many older women find choosing a wedding gown to be the most difficult part of planning their wedding. Unless you work out regularly, you may not want a revealing gown like those found in most bridal salons. Instead, look for party dresses and gowns designed for cruises or consider having a dress made.

Children: If you have children, either still at home or grown, you may want to provide for their futures. If you have young children, you should have a will that includes guardianship provisions if something should happen to you. You may or may not want your new spouse to assume guardianship. Perhaps a sibling or a close friend would be a better choice.

Assets: You may want your personal assets, including investments and property, to go to your children in case of your death rather than to your new spouse and his children. If so, you should talk with an attorney and draw up both a will and a pre-marital agreement to assure your wishes are fulfilled.

Home/business: You and/or your future husband may own a home or a business. If one or both of you have homes, you will need to decide where you will live and what you will do with the other property. You might choose to live in one home and either sell or rent the other. Or, you may decide to sell both homes and purchase one together. This is sometimes a better option if one or both of you lived in your home with a previous spouse.

If one or both of you owns a business, you may need to contact an attorney to draw up a succession plan if you have not yet done so. The plan will include instructions about the future of the business, including future ownership and how the assets of the business will be handled. If the business is a sole proprietorship or a partnership, the business will automatically dissolve upon the death of the owner, so you will want to be prepared.

Health: If one or both of you suffer from a long term health problem, you may need to determine how the expenses of the illness, as well as any future care needs, will be handled. If one of you has health insurance through a former spouse’s employer, you may lose it when you remarry.

Debts: One or both of you may bring debts into the marriage. If the debts are significant, you may need to maintain separate bank accounts and keep your assets separate until the debts have been satisfied. If one of you has a poor credit record or a past bankruptcy, that could adversely affect both of you if you commingle your finances.

Pension Payments/Survivor Benefits Payments: If you or your fiancé receive survivor benefit payments or pension payments related to the retirement of a deceased spouse, you may lose those payments when you remarry, so be sure to find out. This is also true for military retirement and survivor benefit payments.

Social Security: If you are receiving Social Security survivor benefit payments on your deceased spouse’s earning record and you are under age 60, you may lose those benefits if you remarry. If you remarry after age 60 (50 if you are disabled), you will continue to collect benefits.

Sharing your older years with a new spouse can bring great happiness but getting to the altar successfully may take some careful planning to be certain you are not unpleasantly surprised by the loss of income, insurance, or other issues. Therefore, take some time to visit with your attorney and an accountant to make sure you are fully prepared to enter the next phase of your new life.

Copyright � 2007; Glenna Tooman; all rights reserved

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You plan the guest list, the menu, the music, but do you have a security plan for your wedding? If not, you may need one. Depending on the location and the number of attendees, several security measures may need to be considered, including the following.

Gifts - Gifts and/or cards (cards often contain money or gift cards) need to be kept safe. If the wedding will occur at a public place, such as a hotel, place the gift table inside the reception room, not in a hall or foyer. Bring a closed container for cards, not a basket. Once everyone has arrived your wedding coordinator should place the card container in a safe place out of sight. Someone with theft on their mind may not be an intruder, but a member of the catering staff, one of your guests or even the DJ or bartender. It is easy to slip a card or small item into a pocket or under a napkin without being seen, so be vigilant.

Coats and other valuables - If guests will be wearing coats, bringing purses, cameras or other valuables, provide a coat rack inside the room where the reception will occur, not in a foyer or hall. Ask guests to keep purses, cameras and similar items with them rather than leaving them lying around.

Intruders - If there is any possibility of an intruder crashing your wedding, be certain to inform your event planner, the staff at the venue, and others as the situation warrants. This might include an ex-spouse or boy friend/girl friend, an angry family member or someone else.

If you or your wedding planner sees someone you don’t know and you aren’t sure they should be at your wedding (you may not know all the groom’s guests), ask how you can help them. Often, just the knowledge that someone is aware of their presence is enough to deter a would-be intruder.

Robbers - At a wedding a few years ago, someone entered the church through the basement while the ceremony was in progress and stole personal items that had been placed in the church kitchen. To prevent similar occurrences, be certain that after the wedding party dresses valuables are picked up and placed in a safe place. Lock outside doors and doors to dressing rooms, if possible, or lock valuables in a car.

Guests who drink too much - Be careful about providing too much alcohol at your event. You could be liable for the actions of guests who over indulge. Hiring a professional bartender to keep an eye on guests will help, but not if guests have their own stash in a car or another place. You may want to ask a family member or a friend to keep an eye on things, particularly if you know that certain people may tend to over indulge. Better to send Uncle Charlie home in a taxi while he is still reasonably upright than to risk him doing something he, and you, will later regret.

Parking lots and other dark areas - If your guests may need to park in a dark area or along a busy street at night or park some distance from the reception facility, ask someone to escort them to their cars rather than risk an assault or injury, particularly in bad weather. You might also provide flash lights.

Animals - If you are planning a wedding or shower at a private home and the homeowner has a dog that is easily excitable and might bite, better to board it at a kennel than risk injury to your guests.

Water safety - If your reception will occur near a lake, pond, or river, ask a responsible adult to keep an eye on things. This is particularly important if children will be present.

Fire - Fire in any form can be a hazard. I have had fires caused by careless guests who placed items too close to votive candles. Pillar candles, even those enclosed in glass, can be knocked over. If you plan to use sparklers, they will emit embers that can burn people and clothing. Be particularly careful about children near fire.

Home events - If your wedding, rehearsal dinner or a shower will be held at a private home, particularly if it will occur in the yard, several security issues may arise. If the event is not occurring in a room near the front door, keep the door locked. Also lock side doors and windows. If you don’t want catering staff coming in and out of the house, set up a work station for them in the garage. The same goes for guests who need a restroom. If you are not comfortable with them in your home unsupervised, rent port-a-potties or in some way limit access to only a certain area of the house. Keep valuables out of sight and don’t allow anyone to linger too long in the house.

If the yard contains obstacles that might cause injury, such as sprinkler heads, hoses, uneven sidewalks, or clothes lines, be sure to point them out. This is particularly important with children, who run and chase each other and can easily trip and fall.

By taking time to assess and plan security measures, you and your guests can have a safe and enjoyable time free from accidents or injuries.

Copyright 2011; all rights reserved; Memory Makers Event Planning, LLC

http://www.memorable-events.com

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When a couple marries, not only do they combine households, but they combine credit scores as well. Perhaps she is a saver who pays her bills on time. He is a spender who enjoys purchasing lavish gifts for her. Charming initially, but maybe not so much when reality sets in.

Each of us has a credit score. When a couple marries and they jointly apply for a loan, they may have an unpleasant surprise if one person hasn’t learned to manage her or his finances. Credit scores are based on numerous criteria, including the length of a person’s credit history, the amount and type of available credit on credit cards and revolving accounts, whether payments are made on time or habitually late or missed, and more.

Though each credit reporting bureau has its own scoring system, the FICO score is most commonly used by lenders. Scores range from 300 to 850. If a couple jointly applies for a loan, both of their scores will be checked. The lender may take an average of the two scores or they may use the lower score. Using the lower score has the potential to significantly impact the amount of monthly payments and the interest rate charged and, therefore, the total pay out on the loan.

If one spouse has a significantly lower credit score, the couple might choose to have only the person with the best score apply for a loan. However, only that person’s income will be considered, which may reduce the amount you can borrow. Alternatively, the couple might choose to put off purchasing that new car and spend some time working on improving the lower credit score.

Adding a spouse to your existing credit card may or may not be a good idea. A joint credit card is factored into each spouse’s credit score just as if it were an individual account. If your spouse has limited available credit and you have more, the spouse’s credit score might be increased. Conversely, if the spouse overspends, then both of you will take a hit. It is possible to add a spouse to a credit card as an authorized user, not a joint owner, much like you might add a teenaged son or daughter. In that case, you credit score is uusually impacted less.

Knowing your intended’s credit score and how he/she handles money may not affect your desire to marry, but it will help you enter the marriage with eyes wide open and begin making wise financial decisions as a couple.

Copyright 2011; all rights reserved; Memory Makers Event Planning, LLC

http://www.memorable-events.com

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Many engagements occur during the holidays, then one of the first thing brides tend to do is begin shopping for their gown.  Choosing just the right wedding gown can be fun or it can be stressful, depending on how you approach it. The following tips will help you make the most of the experience without becoming overwhelmed.

* You may want to look through magazines and at web sites to get an idea of styles and to decide what features you do and don’t like, but don’t zero in on a particular style until you have tried on a few gowns and know what looks best with your figure. 

* Don’t take too many people shopping with you; just your mom or your maid of honor is enough. Too many people create distractions and take extra time. Though in-put from others is important, you should make the final decision on what to purchase; don’t allow anyone to pressure you to make a decision you are not comfortable making.

* Some bridal salons require you to make an appointment. If you must make an appointment, don’t feel pressured to buy until you are ready. You can always come back later.

* Dress appropriately. If you have a strapless bra, take it with you. Also take shoes with a heel height similar to what you may wear with the gown. The gown can be shortened, but having appropriate shoes will help you visualize what you are going to look like. Wear make-up, but not too much; you don’t want to leave stains on the gowns.

* Don’t be shocked by gown sizing. Most wedding gowns are sized larger than what you normally wear. For instance, if you wear a size 10, you might need a size 12 in a gown. Because gowns are form-fitting, you will need to choose one to fit your largest body measurement - waist, hips or bust. It is easy to take in the dress where it is loose, but it isn’t easy to increase the size without possibly harming the dress.

* Expect to pay extra for things like a slip or veil, but ask about discounts if you purchase everything at once.

* If your gown has to be ordered, expect to wait 3 to 4 months to get it (most are made overseas), so order it early and allow time for alterations.

* Ask about alterations. Many shops charge for them, and the fee can be considerable. You may be able to find an independent seamstress or tailor who will charge less. Most alterations are done within a month of the wedding. Brides may lose or gain weight or work out, making it ncessary to repeat alterations if they are completed too far in advance.

* Wedding shoes and undergarments are usually less expensive when purchased at a department store rather than at a bridal salon. The exception is slips and hoops, which tend to be available only at bridal salons.

* Check the sale racks. Many salons place last season’s gowns on sale. When it comes to wedding dresses, who cares if it was last season’s style.

* Be careful about purchasing a gown over the internet. Before purchasing, find out the background of the shop or person offering it. Some gowns come from shops that have gone out of business. Others may belong to a bride who cancelled her wedding. In most cases, you get the dress “as is,” which could mean stained or ripped. You may not be able to return the dress if there is a problem and you will probably need to find a local seamstress or tailor to do alterations.

* If you are on a budget, check consignment shops and Craig’s List for new or slightly used gowns that you can try on before purchasing. Many such gowns are sold by women whose engagement was broken and they no longer want any reminder of the wedding.

* Consider renting your gown. You won’t be able to pass it on to your daughter, but, assuming you have one, she may not want it anyway. Not all shops rent gowns, so check around. Popular styles need to be reserved several months in advance and you may find that you can purchase a gown on sale for the same price or less than renting one, so do your homework.

By taking time to prepare before shopping for your wedding gown, you can savor the experience rather than being overwhelmed by it.

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We have all received save the date cards and magnets alerting us to a future event so we can make plans to attend. Now, a recent trend is save the date videos. These short clips, usually about 60 seconds long, are similar to a TV commercial. They pack a brief story into a very limited time. The completed video can be uploaded to a personal web site, a blog, YouTube, Facebook or another social networking site, or they can be sent via mail to family and friends, such as Grandma or Great Aunt Sally, who would never find a web posting.

Creating a video isn’t cheap. If a commercial videographer is hired, the price can range from a few hundred dollars to well over a thousand, depending on where you live, the complexity of the shoot, and the video’s length. If you are planning to hire a videographer for your wedding, you might check into having him/her also create a save the date video. Or, if you have a friend or relative who has a camcorder, you might ask them to help you create your own video.

A save the date video can be a fun addition to your wedding, though you may lose some privacy if the video appears on the internet, so be careful how much information you reveal.

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I recently coordinated a wedding for two lawyers from San Francisco who chose the ballroom of a local hotel for their event. As you are probably aware, most hotel ballrooms look alike - same nondescript beige or light brown walls, airwall tracks in the ceiling. Some of the better hotels try to improve the look by installing decorative light fixtures, which help to lessen the “conference room” look.

For this event, the clients chose to use decorative lighting to totally change the look of the room, as seen in the photo below.  Columns of purple light shined upward, against the walls, creating a deep purple glow close to the floor and suffusing the room with a soft lavender glow. The room looked elegant and inviting.

You can use lighting in various ways to add to the ambiance of your event, wherever it is held. Though lighting an entire room can be expensive, there are ways to minimize cost, such as using only a few strategically located spot lights shining upward from behind a screen or curtain or focused on an architectural feature. Most any color can be used, though some are more flattering and inviting than others. Colors such as blue tend to make a room look cold, while red adds energy and keeps people moving.

If you want to do something to set your event apart from the ordinary, consider adding special lighting.

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 You have been asked to give a toast, perhaps at the wedding reception or the rehearsal dinner. If the idea of speaking in public makes you very uncomfortable, feel free to decline. You don’t need to ruin your day by stressing over what to say or how to say it. If you agree to give a toast, the following tips will be helpful in creating a meaningful one.

*Be certain all guests have a drink of some type with which to toast. The DJ or person making announcements can ask guests to fill their glasses a few minutes before toasts begin. It is not necessary to toast with champagne or alcohol if none is available; any beverage will do.

*Keep it short, but sincere. Plan to speak no more than 5 minutes. You don’t need to recount the entire hsitory of your relationship with the bride or groom. Don’t mention that you are nervous or you hate to speak in public, or didn’t really want to give the toast. To do so will embarass the person who asked you.

*Stand near the bride and groom  to deliver the toast. That way, guests can focus on only one place rather than having to look back and forth from you to the couple. Photographers can also capture their shots easier. When you finish speaking, clink your glass against those of the couple.

*Begin the toast with something personal, such as how you know the bride or groom. Don’t focus your comments on only one person. Instead, include both of them, even if you don’t know one person well.

*Speak naturally; don’t try to use an accent or wild hand gestures. You will only confuse the guests. Speak clearly and not too fast. Make eye contact with the couple and with guests seated nearby.

*Use humor tastefully. Everyone enjoys a funny story, but keep it clean and don’t embarass anyone. It is easy to get carried away and offend someone.

*Don’t use profanity or tell off-color stories or jokes. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t want your grandmother to hear.

*Don’t mention previous marriages, past relationships, old girl friends or boy friends of the bride or groom. Don’t make comments such as, “I’m sure their marriage will last.”  Such comments can hurt deeply.

*Don’t drink too much before giving your toast. Too much alcohol will make you more nervous, not calm your nerves, and cause you to say things you don’t intend to say.

*Practice your toast before you give it. Trying to wing it at the last minute only works if you are an accomplished speaker.

By implimenting these tips, you can feel confident when you are called upon to make a toast and the bride and groom will be encouraged, not embarassed, by your words.

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It is tradition to serve cake or another special dessert at weddings. The cake or special dessert appears in numerous photos, by itself and when the bride and groom cut it. Therefore, it is important to carefully choose an experienced baker to make your special dessert.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen at a wedding last week. The bride allowed a friend’s mother to make her cake. Apparently, the mother makes nice sheet cakes and figural cakes, but a multi-tiered wedding cake was another issue. The cake was delivered in separate layers, which is usual. When it was assembled, however, it was immediately obvious there was a problem. The cake looked like the Leaning Tower of Pisa and was in imminent danger of totally collapsing. It had to be disassembled, then placed in a refrigerator in an effort to help stabilize it.

Refrigeration helped a little. When it was time to serve the cake, it was reassembled and decorated with flowers, which helped hide some, but not all, of the problems. The bride did not see the cake when it arrived so it was a bit of a shock to see it and to have her guests staring at it while she and the groom cut it. The baker was embarrassed and upset by how it looked and she ended up refunding half the cost of the cake.

Situations like this can be prevented. Before allowing someone to bake your cake or other dessert, ask about their experience. Though the person may think she/he can bake a beautiful cake or dessert, she may not understand everything at stake if she isn’t able to perform as promised.

Ask to see photos of the baker’s work and be sure to look at photos of cakes that are similar in shape to what you want. Ask to sample the cake, filling, and icing, the pie, cheesecake, or other dessert. Cake should be moist; the filling thick enough to provide a flavor contrast. If your cake will be placed outdoors, find out if the baker knows how to prepare the icing so it won’t melt on a warm day. It is easy to do, but not all bakers know the tricks of the trade, particularly non-professionals.

If your reception or party will be outdoors, sun, wind and insects may be problems. No dessert should be placed in the sun. If shade is an issue, you may need to rent or borrow a small canopy to place over the dessert. A cake containing pillars between the layers is more apt to topple in the slightest breeze than a stacked cake. A large cake will also be more difficult to handle than a smaller cake supplemented by sheet cakes. Pie, on the other hand, holds up fairly well in outdoor conditions; many other desserts do not, however, and shouldn’t be placed outdoors at all.

With attention to detail and by asking the right questions, you can prevent the situation that occurred last week. Though well-meaning friends or family members may want to “help” you, feel free to decline if there is any possibility that they lack the experience to create a beautiful and professional looking dessert.

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Another event planner and I were recently invited to speak to an association of DJs who are trying to improve the image of the industry. There is a trend with the current economy to not hire a DJ. In some cases it is a cost issue. In others, it is because of a bad experience with a DJ in the past. The group wanted to know what clients look for when interviewing and hiring a DJ. The following thoughts came out of the discussion.

Clients want to know that their DJ and other professionals working at their event will provide the best possible experience; they want to know that the DJ is there to serve them and help make them and their event successful. Clients want to meet their DJ in advance; they don’t like having a stranger show up at their event. They want someone they know and with whom they can share any special issues related to their family or another situation. They don’t want to be blindsided by insensitive, and possibly embarrassing, actions, even if it’s unintentional. This is particularly important when dealing with divorced families and cultural and religious issues.

The DJ should arrive on time and be set up before the event begins. He/she should be dressed appropriately, both for the formality of the event and the event location. He/she should have all the equipment they need, including microphones and lapel mic, if needed. If a table is used, bring a tablecloth.

Equipment should be up-to-date and in good repair. Employees should be adequately trained in its use.

Music should not contain questionable lyrics or in any way be offensive to guests of any age. The DJ should find out in advance what the client considers acceptable and what they don’t want played, then don’t accept requests for anything not pre-approved by the client.

Don’t try to be the center of attention; that is the responsibility of the bride and groom, not the DJ. Don’t talk too much; you are not a radio personality. The bride and groom need to be introduced only once, not every half hour.

Be a team player with the event coordinator, photographer, facility manager and any other person working the event. Don’t make changes to a written agenda provided by the clients or event planner without permission. You don’t know what situations or family dynamics may be involved and who you may offend. Be sure you read any written information given to you.

Don’t try to force the clients into your mold; if they don’t like to dance or it is not appropriate in their religion or culture, be sensitive. If they have other issues, respect them.

Don’t drink on the job. You are there to work, not socialize, and the clients expect you to be at your best.

Don’t engage in group participation activities or games without prior approval from the hosts. They are not appropriate for every group.

Don’t nickel and dime the client. Upcharging for every item doesn’t go over well. Instead, if you must charge for something, include it in your fee; don’t bill it separately. If something happens and you need to play for an extra 10 or 15 minutes (the limo doesn’t arrive on time, etc.), don’t make a production about it in front of the client.

As in every industry, by putting the client first and thinking about the effect of our behavior on them, we as professionals can help create a lovely and memorable event or we can be the cause of the bad memories. Let’s focus on the good.

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All the reasons you chose to commence and celebrate your marriage outdoors can now be incorporated in your Save the Dates, Invitations and Announcements.

The bold colors, bright atmosphere and shear bliss of your destination wedding can get started before you or your guests step foot on a plane or a gas pedal.

Give your guests a firsthand taste of the careful thought behind every detail gone into making this day do “one of a kind.”

Every aspect in the creation of my destination invitation line has been carefully thought out. From the wording, in which there are at least 5 to choose from in each category, to the creative details such as shells, leaves and other natural elements to add a whole new dimension to your requests.

A few destination categories to work within, but now limited to:

1. Mexico
2. Tropical
3. Vineyard
4. New England
5. Europe
6. Las Vegas
7. Cruise

For your destination wedding allow my personal, creative, services to bring a whole new dimension to your invitation conception.

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