Everyday Wedding advice

In terms of weather, outdoor weddings can be a dicey business.  Mother Nature does not always cooperate.  Most of my couples have been pretty lucky, though a few have had to deal with extreme weather challenges.  There was the couple who held an outdoor ceremony in a friends’ backyard on the first day of spring, a risky endeavor perhaps anywhere, but especially so in Oregon.  The day before their ceremony it was sunny and nice, and the day after as well, but on their wedding day, it poured buckets the entire time. 

They had erected a tent that kept the guests more-or-less dry, though water still came in around the sides and muddied the grass floor.  My place at the open end of the tent meant that I was pelted with rainwater for the duration.  The Unity candle set, even with glass chimneys, would not stay lit.  Guests shivered.   The bride and groom smiled graciously.  We got through the rather long, arduous ceremony they had chosen, beginning with a ceremonial handwashing of all the guests as they entered the tent—more cold water from a pitcher and bowl.  So water was definitely the theme of the day, and rain wasn’t the only moisture to dampen their spirits.  That morning the couple had awakened to flooding in their downstairs apartment due to an upstairs neighbors’ plumbing problem that quickly became their problem.   

I’ve seen mid summer days that should have been hot, but were not.  Shivering brides and bridesmaids have marched down the aisle, dressed in backless, sleeveless dresses—and goosebumps.  Contrastingly, there are sweltering summer days where men in the bridal party are buttoned up in 3-piece black tuxes and bow ties, with perspiration pouring from their faces.  I recall another very sweaty groom at a church wedding.  He had indulged in a few beers beforehand to calm his jitters.  Adding to his distress, the air conditioner in the sanctuary quit working.  During the bridesmaid’s solo, I slipped him a tissue (I keep one handy in case of tears), so he could mop his brow.  A towel is what he really needed. 

One July during a heat wave, I officiated a formal wedding—the men were in gloves and tuxes with long tails.  The bride’s traditional gown, though strapless, was made up of layers and layers of polyester, which does not exactly breathe. There was no breeze on this unusually hot, overcast and muggy day.  The clouds provided little relief, mostly holding in the heat.  Just as I pronounced the couple husband and wife, the sun came out from behind the clouds full blast, and then it began sprinkling besides.  One could almost hear the “s‑s‑s‑s‑t” as the raindrops landed on the wedding party and their guests.   

In situations such as these, the wedding itself can be the first test of how a couple handles challenges in their married life.  Can they laugh in the face of adversity?  Can they handle disappointment with grace?  Can they remember why they’re vowing to love, honor, and cherish in the first place?  If they can stay centered on the love that brought them together, as well as maintaining a sense of humor and grace, all things are possible.

Rev. Leah Light

www.weddedyourway.com

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Are you on active duty with the military and want to get married? Your fiance/fiancee can’t be present either? That’s okay in Montana, the only U.S. state that allows double proxy marriages. Only a few counties in Montana allow the practice, however. For a fee, you can hire someone to stand in for both the bride and groom.

To qualify for such a marriage, both the bride and groom must be U.S. citizens. In addition, either the bride or groom must be a Montana resident or on active duty with the military. Several legal steps must be satisfied and the fee for a proxy marriage can be hefty. Double proxy marriages are recognized by all states except Iowa.

Single proxy marriages can be performed in California, Texa, and Colorado, usually for active duty military personnnel. Colorado law, however, also allows for proxy marriages for those incarcerated.

So, if you are in the military and really want to get married, you might consider a proxy marriage. But a proxy honeymoon - I don’t think so.

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I often tell my clients, “if that’s the worst that happens, then you’re having a great day.” I use this when the dress rubs against the tire of the limo, or when the maid of honor steps on the bride veil.

What happens when the power goes out? This happened last weekend! The couple had an extended cocktail hour from 6-7:30. At around 7:20, the couple was in the ball room making sure everything was OK. The DJ was just finishing setting up and BAM the power went out! If you were in the north east last weekend, you probably remember the rain & wind. As we later found out, most of north Jersey was out of power, but that knowledge did not help this poor bride & groom one bit.

The keyboard player was in the cocktail area finishing up his set, when everyone was informed cocktail hour would be extended due to the power failure. The generators kicked on, so there was some light, but unfortunately, the minimal amount of power silenced the keyboard player. The father of the groom didn’t let it dampen his spirits, however, and entertained the guests with his own music, singing, what I am assuming was, an Italian Aria.

Back in the ball room, the bride & groom were coming to terms with the idea that their reception would be candle lit and music-less. The staff at the Skyland’s Manor came though, however. They quickly set up a larger generator, sent staff out for extra fuel and had the DJ up & running in less than 30 minutes. The guests were invited into the candle-lit room where the staff pulled together a beautiful, delicious dinner from a dark (and I mean dark) kitchen! The DJ didn’t miss a beat and, despite what must have been heart stopping half hour of scrambling to connect to the generator, pulled off a terrific party!

We had a little trouble, since a video camera can’t see in candle light, but along with the photographer, we were able to use minimal light and still capture the entire night in photos and video for the bride & groom. Speaking of the bride & groom, they were amazingly calm through this whole ordeal. Some guests commented that this was a typical event in the life of the groom, but none-the-less, it is not what you expect on your wedding day.

By remaining calm, the entire staff & crew that night was able to pull off an amazing event, and the bride & groom had the wedding of their dreams. This just goes to show you that if that was the worst thing that happens to them in their married life, they are in for a wonderful time together!

Darcie King

Always In Motion Pictures

a division of E Video Productions

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I recently coordinated a wedding held in the chapel at a ski resort. About 3 feet of snow covered the ground with piles over 7 feet tall along all the roads. The day before the wedding, for the rehearsal, we drove the 100 miles to the resort in a snow storm with patchy fog. 

The wedding day morning dawned bright and sunny, with wet roads from the melting snow. The weather was good enough for the bride to ski the bunny slope in her gown. The groom and his attendants, who wore kilts, skied as well. The photographer took some amazing photos. The couple got engaged in Scotland and they wanted to add Scottish touches to their big day.

We engaged a bagpiper, who surprised the guests by playing the recessional from the foyer where he couldn’t be seen. After the wedding party exited, the bagpiper entered the chapel and led the guests out and across a courtyard to the reception center where they enjoyed dinner and dancing.

It was a lovely evening in a unique setting. Over 160 people drove the 2 hours to the resort to be part of the festivities.

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One of my upcoming grooms, Mike, was on the phone in a panic.  I had already met with him and Suzy.  Their deposit was paid and ceremony scripted.  Wedding plans for the following month were moving forward in earnest: invitations ready, family and friends preparing to come.  Travel arrangements were also made for the couple’s honeymoon trip overseas.  Now, suddenly, they had a big problem.  Suzy was planning to change her last name, so Mike had gone ahead and purchased her airline ticket in her new, married name.  But then they realized that the name on her ID, including her passport, had to match the airline ticket.  As they found out, reissuing a passport may take several weeks.  Unfortunately, they had several days, not weeks between the ceremony and their trip.  The airline refused to reissue her ticket under her old name, quoting Patriot Act law. Buying a new ticket was not in their budget.  Mike’s questions to me:  Would I be able to marry them early so she could change her name and avoid a travel disaster?  Furthermore, could they still go forward with my officiating the later wedding they’d planned, even if they were already married?  My answer of, “Yes,” and “Yes,” to both questions was a great relief to them.  And on their big day when Mike and Suzy said their I do’s before friends and family, no one knew I’d already pronounced them husband and wife a month earlier. 

Though the reasons are usually different from Mike and Suzy’s, I’ve seen a growing phenomenon of one couple, two weddings.  One will be a private legal ceremony, the other a much larger “social” wedding.  The interval between may stretch from several weeks or months to sometimes as much as a year.  The reason for two weddings?  Most often it is to gain insurance, military, or tax benefits without delay.  Alternatively, it can be an issue of timing and logistics, i.e., getting family that live in different geographical locations all together in one place at the same time.  One of my couples who was intimidated about the legal paperwork simply wanted it out of the way so there would be one less thing to worry about at their big wedding. 

Sometimes family is informed of the true story and sometimes not.  I don’t have a problem with keeping the couple’s “secret.”  However, this can create a gray area with potential for problems, especially of legal problems.  This is definitely something a couple will want to consider if they are choosing to delay an official marriage.  What if, God forbid, someone falls ill or something happens to one of both before a legally recognized marriage takes place?  If the family doesn’t know, they may go hunting for a marriage record that doesn’t exist.  There could be financial and inheritance issues as well.  This is something a couple should take up with legal counsel. 

If I’m called upon to keep such a secret, I do want to at least know about it in advance.  One couple certainly threw me a curve ball that left me with an ethical dilemma.  They had not given any indication of anything unusual during our initial meeting.  They had paid their deposit and approved the ceremony I’d prepared for them.  When I arrived on their wedding day, I asked to see the license, which is standard procedure, to check the dates and make sure all is in order.  And it was—until the groom told me they wanted to file their license, themselves.  I declined, explaining it was my responsibility and part of my job to file it.  Then we had a problem.  They confessed to me that they weren’t planning to file it, after all.  For reasons they never explained to me, they could not go through with a legal marriage at that time, but had obviously purchased the license as a ruse to make their family think they were.   

I take a fairly broad view of the term marriage.  To me, a marriage of the heart is still a marriage and is deserving of a celebration, even a public declaration and ceremony, if that’s what a couple wants.  If for whatever reason they choose to forego the piece of paper, it’s up to them to be aware of the legal ramifications.  And I don’t mind if there is a time lag between a marriage of the heart and the marriage on record at the courthouse.  As long as I’m following the laws of my state and the dictates of my conscience, I believe in helping a couple achieve whatever kind of union they wish.  On the other hand, this particular couple had not only misled me, but had in effect made me co-conspirator in their plan to deceive their family—who, by the way, were all waiting in their seats for the nuptials to begin while we were sorting things out in the hallway.  Needless to say, I was not a happy camper.  I would have been within my rights to walk out and leave them to explain to their family why there would not be a wedding that day.  Had I been a stickler for doing things by the book, I would have done just that. 

I chose to handle the situation differently.  First of all I made it clear to them that they had put me in a moral quandary and really should have clued me into their situation up front.  That said, I went on to explain that for me, it boils down to a matter of a couple’s intent.  I asked them:  Is it truly their intent to be married, and do they plan to make it legal when they are able?  “Yes,” and “Yes!”  They answered.  On that basis I agreed to go forward with their ceremony (minus any legal language such as references to the power vested in me by the State).  Were they telling the truth?  I figure that’s between them and their conscience.   

Another category of one couple, two weddings that is worth mentioning: Exes who re-marry each other.  I’ve performed re-marriage ceremonies for several couples who for one reason or another things didn’t work out the first time around.  The tone for these kinds of weddings feels more familiar and comfortable.  These individuals know each other well, including their darker sides.  One would hope they are really the right couple, but that before, it was just the wrong time.  Now they are older and most likely wiser.  They may have learned lessons that only experience and time can teach.  I hope so.  And I wish for them the same as I wish for all my couples:  many years of wedded bliss and all the happiness their two hearts can hold.

Rev. Leah Light

www.weddedyourway.com

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Each year millions of couples embark on the exciting journey called “planning the wedding”. Some pay thousands of dollars to hire the best wedding consultant in town to plan the most elaborate wedding imaginable and others plan the wedding themselves. Some couples choose to be married in a beautiful cathedral with thousands of well-wishers present while others have a simple private ceremony with a few close family members and/or friends present. There are a million different ways to get married. But, one of the things that most of these “ceremonies” have in common is the invitation. And, just as there are many different ways to get married, there many options for couples to consider when choosing their wedding invitation. From a simple card in the mail to a video invitation or CD-ROM.  In my wedding stationery business, one question I am frequently asked is: “how can I have a nice wedding invitation that won’t break the bank?” This question is sometimes difficult to answer and my answer is normally always two question “how big is the bank?” and “what exactly do you want?” While it would be wonderful, not everyone has a wedding budget that will allow them to spend hundreds or even thousands of dollars on invitations and still have enough money to pay for everything else that they need. And even though choosing the right wedding invitations is very important because they are your first contact with your guests and they provide vital information that your guests will need to know before your wedding date, the truth is, it is possible to find nice wedding invitations that reflect the style of both you and your spouse without breaking the bank.While this blog will focus mainly on different types of invitations based on a couples’ style and budget and my experiences in the wedding business, I will begin by writing a few blogs on what I call “Invitations 101” which will be a little wedding invitation etiquette along with some practical advice from someone who’s not only been in the business for a while but also has experienced it first-hand when planning my own wedding “on a budget”.

Wedding invitations set the mood for the wedding. Will it be formal, casual or even a destination wedding? Most people want the perfect invitation that says it all. Today, I will begin my focus on the do’s and don’ts of the “formal” wedding invitation. I’ll continue this topic in my next blog.

The traditional wedding invitation includes an oversized, engraved invitation on heavy paper with a tissue overlay. They include a lined inner envelope sent inside of an outer envelope. The elegance of traditional wedding invitations is often the perfect way to invite people to a celebration.

Some added touches for wedding the traditional invitation may include RSVP cards, maps and reception cards. You may want to send an accommodation card to out-of-town guests listing the names and phone numbers of local hotels, restaurants and other places of interest. Other stationery products that need to be considered for the wedding ceremony and the reception are programs, seating cards and thank you cards.

If traditional is what you want then the above suggestions are the way to go. Shop around online or at local printers to find invitations that fit your style whether they are professionally printed or blank. Always remember that invitations need to be mailed out six weeks early for in-town guests and eight weeks early for out-of-town guests.

 Simply Beautiful Stationery

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If you have visited a tuxedo shop recently, you have probably seen the camoflage vests and ties. Camoflage weddings are a current trend, particularly in the Southern U.S.  Some couples choose to add just a touch of camo to their wedding, perhaps in the vests and ties worn with suits or tuxes. Bridesmaids might wear green dresses. Other couples prefer to go all out with the bride wearing a dress custom made in camo cloth, the groom dressed in full hunting gear and the wedding party dressed to match. For a look at a true camo wedding, visit http://www.slideshare.net/raz0r/cajun-wedding/.

The hunting/camoflage theme sometimes carries over into the food and the reception decor. In my area venison or elk would be served. Down South seafood would be the prefered dish or perhaps venison.

 If you or your sweetie is a hunting fanatic, perhaps adding touches of camoflage to your wedding will help personalize it. It will certainly create a memorable event for your guests.

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Finding that perfect person to preserve your special day on video can be a daunting task. There are many things that you need to know before you write your name on that contract. Here are some suggestions for picking that perfect video that is just right for you.
• Ask friends & family for referrals. People will talk loud & often about services they didn’t like, but they don’t talk often enough about those they did! Ask around, I’m sure you’ll find a few people you know who were very happy with their videographers or other wedding/event vendors.
• Search the internet – not just in your area, but surrounding areas as well. If you have a larger budget, you can even look national. Many vendors will travel as long as you pay their travel costs.
• Look in magazines – although sometimes only the vendors with the large budgets advertise here. Many young or cost effective companies won’t spend that much money on advertising, but their services are just as good. You will find some qualified leads here, though.
• Compile a list of all videographers (or other vendors) that you feel could possibly be a good fit for your wedding. Don’t worry about price, location or other factors at this point. Just list everyone that is a possibility.
• Next you need to determine the factors (I suggest 3) that are most important to you & your fiancé. Some suggestions to think about are:
o Local vendors only (they know the area best)
o Quality of work
o Style of video (ranges from documentary to MTV)
o Personalities (you need to be comfortable with the people you hire)
o Price
o Years in business
o Type of music used
o How many cameras
o Types of lighting & audio
o Extra features (Love Story, Photo Montages, Recaps, etc)
o Small business or large company
o And many more.
• Compare the companies on your list – look at websites & call or email them to determine how they fit with your 3 important factors.
• Narrow down your list to 3-5 of your favorite vendors & make appointments to visit them & view more of their work. You will know right off the bat if you will mesh with the videographers. Make sure you are meeting at least one of the videographers that will be there on your wedding day. It’s great if you get along with the owner of the company, but if you don’t mesh with the one actually there on your wedding day, that could spell trouble. Also, ask to see a video that is in the specific style you like or at the location where your wedding will be. No 2 wedding videos are the same, but you want to see something that is at least close to what you will be getting.
• Now you’re ready to make your decision. Make sure once you decide you get them a deposit right away. Nothing is worse than getting your heart set on a vendor & then finding out it’s too late & they are already booked!

Remember, planning a wedding is FUN, so make sure you take some time to enjoy this with your fiance. There are plenty of things in life to laugh about - make sure to look for those little things and you will have fun throughout the wedding planning process!

Darcie King

EVideoProductions.net

and our NEW wedding division:

AlwaysInMotionPictures.com

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Each year between Thanksgiving and New Years the botanical garden in my city transforms into a winter wonderland with an event called Winter Garden Aglow. All the trees, bushes, fences, and buildings are decked in small clear lights, totally transforming the garden. It has become a trend the last few years to be married in the garden among all the lights, particularly on New Years Eve. Guests dress warmly, the bride wears “long johns” under her gown, and hot drinks are provided. The ceremony is usually brief and is followed by an indoor reception at another location. (Our botanical garden is entirely outdoors.)

 This year I have a couple who are creating their own winter garden aglow wedding in the backyard of a private home. We tested the lights last week and it will be magical. The 70 guests will enter the yard holding battery-operated candles and form two lines. The bride will walk through the line and will collect her bouquet from 8 or 10 “bouquet ladies” who will be standing along the way. After the brief ceremony the couple will light a fire pit. They will then lead the guests, who will be singing a carol, into the house where hot drinks, champagne, and plenty of hors d’oeuvres will be available. It will be an unusual and memorable evening.

Guests are bringing ornaments to hang on the couple’s Christmas tree. The couple will hang the first ornament, a bride and groom. Each year as they decorate their tree they will remember their special wedding day.

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My most recent wedding was for an Indonesian couple. Our community boasts a good-sized Indonesian community, most of whom are Christians of Chinese descent. In the Indonesian culture, the colors gold, which represents prosperity, and dark red, which represents happiness, predominate. My bride wanted to add purple, which is her favorite color, but her mother said no.

The ceremony began by singing hymns. Then the bride, groom and wedding party were seated while the pastor delivered a homily, followed by the vows and ring exchange. Then the couple presented their parents with a gift of flowers.

The reception was a seated dinner for about 145. Instead of dancing, karoake was available. The couple were also subjected to jokes and tricks, designed to embarass them in a good-natured way. A game was played as well. The reception ended with guests having their pictures taken with the couple before they left.

The bride wore a long sleeved high-necked wedding gown. The groom wore a white buttonless tuxedo with a gold vest. Both were rented from shops in Portland, since our local shops don’t carry appropriate clothing. The groom was fully made up, as was the bride. All processionals, entries, exits, were accomplished very slowly and with great pomp and ceremony. 

Earlier in the day, the couple performed a traditional Chinese tea ceremony, first for her parents at their hotel, then for his parents at the couple’s home.

When the ceremony was scheduled to begin, only about 10 guests were present. Neither set of parents could be found. The groom’s parents finally arrived 30 minutes late. By that time, the ceremony room was quite full, though guests continued to trickle in for about 20 minutes after the ceremony started (50 minutes later than the start time listed in the invitation). As a wedding planner, I found this disrespectful, but apparently it is accepted in their culture.

The couple thoroughly enjoyed their day and I can now add the customs of another culture to my services.

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